Why Do Relationships Always End Up Hurting Me?

Conditions: they are so complicated! Sources of joy, fear, hope, pain, nostalgia, hatred… they are intense and very nuanced. But we do not always know how to choose them correctly. In fact, we all know someone who is always hurt, one relationship disaster after another.

Disasters happen because they cannot identify who deserves their trust. They mix them with people who do not deserve it. Self-centered people who serve themselves to serve themselves again.

The relationship is yo-yo, going up and down all the time. Until it becomes just that, a toy, and one day you wake up with a broken toy, destroyed by your own inability to get out of this circle you have somehow gotten into.

Getting hurt in a relationship

Experiences teach us something. If we touched something once and burned ourselves, we will not touch it again. Well, maybe not always – there are some who want to do just that. Some feel that they need to double check that their feelings are correct … and of course they burn again.

And really, it often comes from their big heart that wants to give people one opportunity after another. But they end up getting hurt, right where they were in the first place.

But imagine not being like this. Imagine that after burning yourself once, you know not to do the same thing again. Unfortunately, this can put you on the other extreme side and make you start to distrust everything around you. You start wearing thick, heat-resistant gloves. You end up going through life with a shield.

People like this can coexist with others, but they always do so superficially and with fear. The gloves they are wearing prevent them from receiving the heat that others give off. But the warmth of love is good for us.

So what happens? Well, two things can happen. One, we turn to the gloves and no longer take them off, and therefore give up the warmth of love forever. Two, we do not, and begin to feel that we should take them off.

This desire will work quite like a strong feeling. When we hold it in or compress it too much, and try to prevent the energy from affecting us, it becomes a time bomb. One who will step down when we least expect it.

Thus, a person with great anxiety to take off the protective gloves will end up doing it impulsively. Finally, they do not think about how hot the object they are going to touch is.

What can I do to stop being hurt?

Open up the rest of your senses. Notice how that person treats others. A person who gossips about others behind their backs will end up doing it to you. A person who does not think about other people’s feelings will not think about ours either. Everyone who is used to lying to protect themselves will also lie to us. Anyone who only looks at others as tools to be used will also put us in the toolbox if we let them do so.

The point is to learn about them beyond what you see on social media or in what they say. It is about understanding them as a whole and seeing how the pieces we have collected about them fit together.

The most important thing is not to settle down with the piece they have created and handed over to us. We must try to put the pieces together ourselves and decide if we like them, if we want them to be a part of our lives.

Before we let a person into our lives, it would be a good idea to get to know their story. Getting to know at least a good part of your life. How have they faced challenges in life, what challenges have they chosen for themselves, what are their dreams for the future, and what will they be willing to do for them?

Some people burn us

They will do so, no matter how much we believe in human goodness. Whether it’s because of their situation or their genetics, some people have an enormous destructive power. And unfortunately, some of these experts are hiding it. They know the story of the frog. The one who ended up in a pot of cold water and did not realize in time that the temperature was rising and that it was going to be boiled.

Well, many people give the same feeling of being “cold water”, and once they have gained our trust, they turn up the temperature. Then they start burning us almost without us realizing it. So when we decide to get out… we have many times already been hurt.

So we need to be aware that people are constantly changing, just like the world around us. The point is not to be paranoid and constantly be suspicious in your relationship, but it’s a good idea to keep your eyes open so you can identify the changes, and no matter how gradual they may be, don’t let them go unnoticed.