What To Do With Narcissism In A Relationship?

Contrary to many people’s beliefs, narcissists can fall in love just like everyone else. However, when there is narcissism in a relationship, the anxiety and fear can be palpable. It’s because their love is like a lasso getting tighter and tighter with each passing day. Little by little you lose your rights, your will and even your own voice.

You probably know someone who seems to be a “magnet” for narcissists. Or maybe you feel it with yourself. Why? Is there any explanation for why you can not identify narcissists and prevent bad experiences? Some theories claim that in general, people who are more sensitive and empathetic are those who feel attracted to narcissists.

Maybe it’s because these two personality types are mutually beneficial in some way. However, it is important to note that there is no concrete data on this idea. After all, narcissists tend to be charismatic and charming to begin with. It’s very easy to fall into their trap.

Narcissists often seem extremely kind and lively at first. They have a good sense of humor and are very intelligent and confident. Their outgoing charm impresses people. That said, their true selves lurk just below the surface. After all, narcissists are basically incapable of creating positive emotional bonds with other people.

Narcissism in a Relationship: Tips for Action

The way narcissism manifests itself in a relationship can vary. There are two common possibilities: The first is when both people are narcissistic. The second possibility is that one person is clearly behaving in a harmful and destructive way towards the other. Let’s look at both of these possibilities.

When both people are selfish

Before we go deeper into this, it is important to distinguish between narcissistic behavior and narcissistic personality disorder. The latter is a clinical condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

Sometimes two people with this disorder end up in a romantic relationship with each other. It’s unusual, but it can happen. Another thing that sometimes happens during a relationship is the following:

• You put your own needs before the needs of your better half.
• You may feel a need for control, or you may waver between wanting to be close to your partner and wanting distance.

So what happens when both parties are narcissistic? Basically, their attachment is built over an abyss that they will eventually fall into. There are some couples who no longer love each other, but they still fail to end things in a healthy way. Instead, they feel apathetic, indifferent, and addicted. They do not want to let go of what was once “theirs”.

My better half is a narcissist – What can I do?

Usually there is only one narcissist in a relationship. Then, over time, the other person becomes acquainted with the true nature of their loved one. That’s when the blindfold falls off and they begin to understand what it means to be romantically involved with a narcissist.

Keys to reflection and decision making

Livesley, Jang, Jackson and Vernon point to a study that shows that 64% of cases of narcissistic personality disorder are genetic. Therefore, a change does not come easily.

Similarly, people with this type of personality will fall somewhere on a spectrum. Some narcissists are quite violent, while others show only a few narcissistic traits.

These are some important points to keep in mind:

• Do not doubt yourself. When you realize that there is narcissism in a relationship, there are only two options: to react or to learn to live with emotional forgiveness. If you do the latter, you will constantly doubt yourself, your self-confidence and even your own identity.
• Cohabitation breaks and reconciliations. Are they really worth it? When your better half is a narcissist, you live in a world of adultery and reconciliation. Maybe at some point you will find the strength to leave the relationship. However, narcissists are very good at turning on the charm and winning you back. Think about what it means for your dignity.
• They need you to validate their confidence. But what about yours? Because narcissists do not have a central ego, they need someone else to establish and strengthen their self-image. They get confirmation by being fed by someone else. Think about whether this is really worth it. Think for a moment about what you are going to do in 5 to 10 years.

Narcissism in a Relationship: Conclusions

The best advice we can give you if your partner is a narcissist is to break up with them. However, this is a very personal decision and to say that narcissists cannot be good partners is like saying that no one can change or do anything with their personality.

It is best to evaluate on a case-by-case basis. Generalizing is always dangerous. Not all situations are the same, and not all narcissistic people are exactly the same.

There are some psychological strategies for trying to help people with a narcissistic personality disorder. An example is talk therapy. Changing narcissism, however, is a complex process in itself, not to mention that most narcissists refuse to go into therapy.

Consequently, narcissism in a relationship is something that requires a lot of time and energy to defend yourself and make decisions. However, if you find yourself in this situation, you need to change your priorities and take care of yourself. Prioritize your well-being and your integrity.