Unrealistic Expectations And The Need For Control

Modern life comes with so many different responsibilities, whether it be work, social or family obligations. It can be difficult not to jump on the bandwagon and add your own requirements and expectations. In this article, we will talk in more detail about unrealistic expectations and the need for control.

Sometimes it can be almost impossible not to get carried away by the whirlwind that is modern life. Each of us has a seemingly endless to-do list, well-written almanacs and schedules to help us organize and optimize our time, and hundreds of chores and family matters to take care of.

“Do I want to be a good parent?”, “If I’m late, will my manager appreciate my work?”, “I can not do wrong” or “Do my friends really appreciate me ?!” are just some of the many questions and concerns that plague our minds on a daily basis.

Unrealistic expectations

Self-imposed goals and expectations can lead to a mistaken belief that perfection can and should be achieved in almost every aspect of our lives.

In some respects, setting goals can help to give meaning to our lives. However, problems can arise when the goals we set are unattainable, either because they are born of impossible ideals or because they are simply unrealistic. An example could be: “I will never be late for work”.

I have to, contrary to what I want

• Start by assessing whether the goals you have set for yourself depend solely on you. In other words, are they something you can achieve by using your own personal qualities and abilities, as well as your personal circumstances and circumstances?

• Secondly, you should also think about whether that goal is really something you want to achieve, or whether you are only doing it in response to society, work or pressure or your own unrealistic expectations.

It may be helpful to perform the following reflective exercise : Try to divide your daily tasks and activities into two categories, depending on whether you consider them a commitment or a personal choice. In the first column you write “I must or I need” and in the second “I want or I want”. Let’s look at a simple example:

“I have to be home this weekend because I need to clean, wash and iron. However, I want to go to the beach because I want to distract myself for a few hours. ”

Distinguish between commitment and choice

When faced with such a situation, we immediately begin to weigh the pros and cons of each of our options : “Do the housework” or “Go to the beach”. This is where we begin to see the need for control, and the need to categorize our lives into what we want and what is expected of us (or what we think is expected).

We can even refuse our desire to go to the beach, with the excuse that if we go, we just have to take it again on Monday: deal with the construction of housework, go to work and deal with all our other family obligations. It is this anxiety and the negative expectation that triggers an obsession with getting the most out of our time and a fear of not being productive.

The simple fact of thinking about it in these terms gives our obligations instantly greater weight. Held hostage according to our own expectations, and we comfort ourselves with the expression “We always have the next weekend”.

Giving up control

Each of us must accept that life is constantly changing and evolving. No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to control everything. Once you have done that, you can start making decisions based on your own personal concerns, needs, joys and desires. This in turn helps to promote better health and well-being.

Taking responsibility for your life and suppressing these unrealistic expectations will free you from the stress, pressure, and frustration that such self-imposed commitments bring.

By taking this weight off the shoulders, we give ourselves permission to:

• be ourselves without inner condemnation or criticism
• love ourselves for who we are, accept that we all make mistakes, and value our personal qualities
• Be assertive and find the courage to say “no” without feeling guilty
• spend time taking care of our mental and physical health
• Recognize our accomplishments and value the efforts we make to achieve them
• be our own top priority, and listen to our needs without feeling selfish

Instead of setting unrealistic expectations, try to adapt

In his book The Pursuit of Perfect : How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar wrote: ” We strive to achieve the impossible every day. ” According to Ben-Shahar, about 86% of us are perfectionists. This constant search for perfection is often the primary source of our misfortune.

Learning to “take your foot off the gas” is not an easy task, but it can be very rewarding. In the process, you can only find the following:

• A path to self-discovery, and a greater understanding of your own inner business.
• Greater control over your emotions and the power to let go of aspects of your life that make you unhappy.
• The freedom to make your own choices, and find a balance between “I have to” and “I want to”.
• The power to change the focus of your life to the pursuit of happiness, health and well-being.