The Relationship Between Self-abuse And Self-esteem

Self-abuse and self-esteem are two stark opposites and self-abuse is much more common than we might think. Many of us judge who we are, what we deserve and how valuable our work is. These judgments are usually objected to, and are often kept secret and minimized. At the same time, we also magnify our mistakes.

Therefore, we tend to be very self-demanding, and feel that things can always be done in a better way. Because of this, a person’s self-esteem can be affected. We even despise our own actions, thinking that everyone else could have done better than us.

Self-Abuse and Self-Esteem: How Does Self-Abuse Work?

Self-esteem, in general, is people’s ability to value themselves. This area also includes the challenge of facing any negative thoughts that other people have about us.

Low self-esteem makes people more permeable to criticism from others, and increases the likelihood that they will believe what they say and take it. That is when the “inner dictator” of self-abuse begins to develop. We minimize performance, increase our perception of mistakes, and be ashamed of them, and so on.

Self-abuse: The origin of the “inner dictator”

You are exposed to the judgment and prejudices of others from the moment you were born. Your motivation, or lack thereof, is an indicator of your capacity to defend yourself against criticism.

If, from these early experiences, you see that your mistakes have been punished and your performance deteriorates to some degree, you will probably end up seeing yourself as someone with few resources.

In addition , it becomes important not to fail. If you fail, you have to deal with the judgments and criticisms of others. If the motivation for not failing becomes more important than the performance, you may lose the value all your performance can give you. You may not take the criticism constructively.

In this dynamic, you can easily internalize others’ criticism of you and begin to regard yourself as of little value. As a result, you may actually begin to criticize yourself far more mercilessly than the people did. You may begin to believe that you are not valuable or worthy of love.

Consequently , self-esteem goes hand in hand with self-abuse. You may think that your essence is based on your achievements, and in turn you perceive yourself as of little value.

Self-Abuse and Self-Esteem: How to Detect Problems

Normalizing self-abuse is very dangerous. Not only does it damage self-esteem, but it can also lead to more dangerous forms of mood disorders, especially depressive disorders.

Self-abuse does not just happen suddenly. This type of negative attitude towards yourself builds up over several years. Sometimes it is even difficult to identify criticism from other people and from yourself.

When self-abuse begins to take root in your life, you will see even the most constructive criticism you receive from others, given to help you improve, as proof of mistakes. For example:

• Have your superiors and colleagues ever recommended that you do a task differently to get better results at work, and the only thing you thought about is how badly you did it?
• How many times have you only thought about your mistakes, even though people have acknowledged your accomplishments?

• Have you ever thought that you are not worthy of the job you have? Do you think that many people can do better than you, and that your bosses will notice it at any time?

Stop your life to stop the “inner dictator”

The voice of the “inner dictator” can be so strong that it can paralyze your valuable actions. If you interrupt activities that you consider valuable, you fall into the trap of your experiences.

What we mean here is the degree to which other people have judged you from your earliest childhood, in addition to the criticism you are currently experiencing. In other words, you want to base your life around trying not to fail.

Trying not to fail means that you are not willing to experience discomfort on the path to achieving values. Even if you live this way, you will not get rid of the “inner dictator” of self-abuse. It will probably tell you that you are in the situation you are in because you are scared and unable to face it.

But what is the role of self-esteem?

Have you ever taken a step back to observe your situation as if you were someone else acting in response to criticism given to them? If you stop to think about this, you will realize how your mind, in “self-abuse mode”, takes you away from what you consider important.

Listening to this inner dialogue and believing that it is an absolute truth can be frustrating when trying to pursue goals. Very often your mind will tell you that you are not capable of it.

However, trying to remove the “inner dictator” is like removing weeds from a garden. You can weed them out, but they will continue to grow.

Reading books on self-esteem does not help eliminate these forms of self-abuse either. They only provide guidelines for improving self-esteem, and they are simply another source of knowledge in light of many years of experience.

However, we will tell you that there is a very positive alternative for you. When fighting the battle between self-abuse and self-esteem, try a different perspective. It is called the art of being compassionate.

Self-compassion allows you to observe this struggle from a different perspective, so that you can fail and make mistakes, and then observe what happens in your inner world when this discomfort arises.