Stop Fighting For Someone Who Does Not Love You

Dear self, stop fighting for someone who does not love you. Go ahead and stop hurting yourself over a love that will never work. Have some dignity and cut off this emotional oppression at the roots. Be brave and say, ” I leave you because I love myself.”

We all know it’s not easy. We are aware that the brain  does not have a restart button, emergency exit, or even a window you can open to let the fresh breeze in and vent your sorrows. The brain is stubborn, methodical and persistent. It struggles to hold on to emotional memories, because they are the ones that leave such a big mark on your identity.

They say that loving someone without loving you back is like trying to light a candle with an unlit match. And we do not really know why we do it, why we insist on worshiping someone who does not love us. We persist and resist, thinking distorted thoughts like  “if I tell him, he can…” or “if I change this, it is possible that…”, as if this would accomplish something.

But love is not a vending machine. You can not insert a coin, press a button and get what you want. Sometimes there is no other solution than to take a chance, forget all your false hopes, and stop torturing yourself over someone who has gone in a different direction with other people.

When you love someone who does not love you back, you can not get them out of your mind

For a moment, we wondered why it’s so hard to scroll to the next page and be strong when you know someone does not love you. The answer to this question is found in the intricate and always fascinating world of neurology. To understand it a little better, take a look at the following example:

Say you have some really good days where you feel like you’re getting over the breakup. But on a random afternoon, you pass someone who has the same perfume that your ex-girlfriend uses to wear. You are suddenly overwhelmed by sadness until it almost paralyzes you and brings you to tears.

Antoine Bechara, a neurobiologist from the University of California, introduced the term “cerebral conflict” to describe how, when a person is rejected, the brain  continues to associate certain stimuli, images and memories with each other. The neural network responsible for this intimate but powerful relationship lies between the hippocampus and the amygdala.

Remember that these structures control and organize emotional memories. Thus, all the experiences you have had with the special person have been burned into your mind, and in turn linked to specific stimuli that trigger the memory.

So when you smell a certain perfume, see a certain photograph or clothing brand, or walk past the restaurant where you used to have dinner every weekend, it activates your neurotransmitters and makes you almost addicted to impossible love.

And it is not so easy to break this association and control this brain conflict.

Dear myself, open your eyes and heal your heart

The anatomy of rejection and abandonment is brutal, deep and complex. We already know that our reluctance to scroll to the next page is not always voluntary, that the brain also feeds this vicious biochemical cycle.

“I learned that I can not demand love from anyone. I can only give good reasons why they like me… and be patient so that life can do the rest. ”

-William Shakespeare-

However, neurologists explain that over time, these associated memories become less and less activated. The neural connections that led to these negative emotions gradually begin to lose their strength, until they become an echo of a sad and distant melody that is less painful each time you hear it.

The passage of time allows you to move forward more calmly, as long as you use the right psychological strategies to stop you from worshiping the person who does not love you back. Below we explain some strategies that can help you.

Tips for overcoming emotional rejection

Dear myself, if they do not love you, remember to love yourself above all else. This is the main premise that you should integrate into your life. But we were taught not to give up or lose, which makes it even harder to break any kind of bond.

• Understand that love is not sacrifice. It’s never worth thinking about things like, “if I stop doing this, maybe they will love me,” or “if I change this and this with myself, they will like me more.” Do not do it. Do not commit emotional suicide, do not change yourself, do not turn on the only thing that gives you strength: your self-confidence.
• If they hurt you, they will not love you. It is easy. If you are an invisible horse on their carousel of infidelity, selfishness and insults, stay away from them. Why make yourself a prisoner in their emotional torture chamber? If you escape, you will finally realize that freedom is the best source of comfort, and loneliness is a welcome refuge.

• In impossible love, hope is the first thing you lose. Some relationships come with an expiration date, and if you are fully aware that nothing you want is going to be, you should go through the door where you just walked in. And do it with dignity, with your head held high, and with your heart completely.

Loving someone who does not love you is extremely painful, but it is even more painful to stop loving yourself for someone who does not even deserve you. Be strong and wise, and always remember that you should only love the one who is worthy of being loved.