How To Avoid Sabotaging Your Relationship
Sigmund Freud used to say that any romantic emotional bond consists of two partners and their fears. As striking as it may seem to us , this last statement often has an unusual power. Therefore, if you want to find out how to avoid sabotaging your relationship, it is important that you learn to detect this fear since it has important effects.
Loving intensely is not always synonymous with loving well. Some people do it in a desperate way, to the point that they harass their partner with demons, jealousy, constant need for confirmation and mistrust. In the same way, we all have a past behind us, a baggage that weighs heavily on our shoulders.
As a rule, breach is not the result of infidelity. With your own behavior, fear and lack of emotional resources, you may end up destroying what would have been a great love.
How to avoid sabotaging your relationship: seven strategies
An interesting study was conducted at Purdue University in Indiana in 2001. The purpose was to find out which components predicted commitment and success in a relationship. It was discovered that the couple’s stability depends on three factors. Mental attachment, the couple’s long-term orientation and shared goals, and both intentions to solve any problems.
These factors can be crucial. But beyond the intentions you may have for your relationship, it is your personality and above all the mental areas that can boycott love. We talk, for example, about fear, needs, defense mechanisms, and sometimes even a lack of maturity in understanding what it means to be a couple.
1. Be careful about expecting “everything” from your partner
Sometimes you want your partner to be the figure responsible for removing all fear. The man or woman who saves, heals, alleviates and solves all problems and needs. However, you must know that you can not place your own healing on the shoulders of others.
The desire to untie any emotional knot and unresolved issues in the past, and then put it on your partner is too much of a burden. You can expect love, unconditional support and understanding from your partner, but you can not expect them to meet every need.
2. Avoid sabotaging your relationship: Excessive attachment and suffocating love
To avoid sabotaging your relationship, pay attention to how you relate to your partner. Sometimes low self-esteem leads to interdependent relationships where people build dysfunctional bonds. For example, the relationships where you tell yourself that your partner is everything, that without them you are nothing and that life only has meaning because of them.
Excessive attachment not only leads you to excessive suffering, but also burdens you with excessive worries such as the fear of being abandoned, betrayal, not being wanted, etc.
Learn to communicate: Your partner is not a fortune teller
If something bothers you, say so. If there is something that worries you, makes you angry or hurts you, do not wait until the other person guesses it . Learn to communicate assertively. This is a very common pattern in most relationships. People often expect their partners to notice certain things, but this does not always have to be the case.
Learning to communicate safely and effectively creates harmony in a relationship, heals them and drives them forward.
4. Avoid sabotaging your relationship: Your partner is not always guilty
“He does not understand me.” If you want to avoid sabotaging your relationship, you need to be aware that a problem is sometimes not just your partner’s responsibility. In most cases, both parties are likely to contribute to a given problem.
For example, if you feel that your relationship has become a habit, both parties are responsible. You should reflect on all the issues you may be unknowingly playing a role in.
5. How to avoid sabotaging your relationship: work on self-esteem
There are two Trojan horses that can quickly ruin a relationship: insecurity and low self-esteem. When thoughts only give fear and a negative self-image, you see threats around every corner. When you are afraid of being betrayed, you are afraid of not meeting your own standards. Thus, the fear of being abandoned takes over.
If you want to avoid sabotaging your relationship, you should work on these important psychic areas.
6. Do not focus on mistakes instead of positive things
There is a certain type of lens that can blacken and blur the quality in any condition. When you focus only on what your partner does not have, on what they do not do or what they do wrong, you completely distort the relationship. This means that you only take into account your partner’s faults, shortcomings and weaknesses and also harm your partner.
Being in a relationship means appreciating the partner’s virtues, but also accepting mistakes they may have. If you just see the flaws and amplify them, you will be caught up in negative thoughts and discomfort.
7. Do not take your relationship for granted
How can you avoid sabotaging your relationship? There is a golden rule that you must always keep in mind: Do not take your partner’s love for granted. Do not assume that no matter what you do, your partner will always be there for you. Do not assume that you no longer need to make an effort because your relationship is solid.
Love that is not taken care of becomes weaker. If you do not nurture your relationship, it will slowly and quietly fade away. Do not ruin your relationship by letting yourself be carried away by carelessness and routine.
Finally, many factors can break an emotional bond. But if you are able to take care of each of these areas in an authentic and committed way, everything will go easier and you will have a happier relationship.
