Couple On Summer Vacation – Together But No Sun
Summer vacations are always a test for couples. This is because you go from spending a few hours a day and weekends together to being together 24 hours a day. The summer holidays are something everyone needs a little adjustment to. It will either go well or not, depending on the characteristics of the relationship and the psychological flexibility of both parties.
Now we will explain why holidays affect couples so much and what are the most important conflicts couples go through in the summer. In addition, we will also explain how you can improve your relationship by following a few simple tips.
Have vacations affected some couples more than they do other relationships?
The answer is definitely yes. Relationships have certain characteristics that set them apart from other interpersonal relationships. The other types of relationships range from family to friends, or even work colleagues. When it comes to relationships with family members, we see our relationship with these people as unconditional (no matter what happens, they are family). On the other hand, a couple is conditional (we stick together or not, depending on how things go).
As a result of all these reasons, it is very common for people to be more patient with family members than with their partner. Subconsciously , you are always aware of the fact that you chose your partner. While your family is a group of people you can not choose for yourself. In general, we are more tolerant of the people in our immediate family circle (mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.) than our partners to whom we make more demands.
How do vacations affect a couple?
Summer and the holidays provide some very important changes in the routine. During most of the year, you have schedules, routines, tasks (children, work), and the relationship is downgraded. You work more as a team than a couple in a romantic sense.
When summer comes, the couple will be the first priority, since it is now you get more time to spend together. Then it becomes a couple of priorities and you devote more time and attention to it, which means that you will experience periods of friction. And if you do not treat them properly, they can end up causing conflicts or problems.
Problem # 1: “It’s like my partner is annoying me”
This problem arises because you are so used to breathing in your own “fresh air” or worrying more about yourself and your obligations. But now you are “forced” to give up part of your personal time and space for your partner. To put it another way, you do not spend much time with your partner during the year due to work, social life and children, etc. But during the summer holidays you are in a situation where you have to spend a lot of time with your partner and that you may not be used to.
Even people who spend a lot of time together and work well together during the year have their own habits and interests. You can satisfy all your individual needs during the year. But during the summer holidays, you also need to consider your partner’s interests and needs as you spend more time with them. It is normal for you to experience some discomfort around this. But you have to deal with it the right way so that you do not see your partner as someone who annoys you because they do not let you do things that you always do otherwise.
Problem # 2: “We do not benefit from the summer holidays, we do nothing”
There are couples who get angry with each other because they feel that they are not taking full advantage of the holiday. They either stay home, go to a small town to see family, or maybe take a trip that only ends up being a disappointment. In these cases, the conflict starts when both parties are waiting for the other person to plan the vacation time. Or that they should take the initiative and suggest activities, excursions or short trips.
What sometimes happens in a couple is that one of them takes on the role of the person who “suggests and leads.” This means that the other person “obeys and does not disturb.” This may be because one of the couple’s members has problems suggesting leisure activities on holiday. So in the end, the other person comes up with all the suggestions and plans everything. Conflicts arise when the person who “suggests and leads” gets tired of being responsible. What happens then is that all the responsibility for utilizing the holiday time falls on someone who does not know how to do it, because they have never been responsible for it.
So both parties place all the responsibility for utilizing the vacation time on the other person. But because no one takes control of the situation (both for their own reasons), the summer holidays become a time of bitterness about what they do or do not do. Then comes the moment when the ” glass overflows” towards the other person because you did not go somewhere because they did not mention it or suggested it. Or maybe one of you took it up, but no one took the step to do it.
Problem # 3: “Suddenly I notice all the bad things”
It is normal for you to see attitudes and behaviors in your partner that you like and dislike. It is also normal to have certain expectations about how your partner should be. And the more time you spend with someone, the more common it is that all the “mistakes” you see in them irritate you. So when you spend more time with your partner, you feel that what irritates you becomes even more annoying. And it is so that instead of developing tolerance or acceptance, you allow yourself to be more receptive to it.
For example , it can annoy you that it takes a long time for your partner to get up in the morning. So when this happens on vacation you will feel even stronger aversion to it. This is because their habit can cause you to do nothing in the morning and arrive late to places you want to see. Or it may make you feel like your partner is slowing you down and you may not be able to take full advantage of your summer vacation.
This is where the conflict really arises. This is when you put more emphasis on the qualities of the partner you do not like than the ones you like. We all become more demanding of other people when we are on holiday because it is something we wait for all year, something we invest time and money in.
This is why we have much less tolerance for frustration on holiday. This is because we want everything to be perfect and we do not like downturns that we would otherwise accept without caring.
Is a crisis inevitable when you are on holiday with your partner?
Absolutely not. It is true that summer puts many couples to the test. But the relationship must still be healthy and stable. So a couple may argue while on vacation because they spend more time with the other person, but that does not necessarily mean that there will be a crisis.
The best way to avoid a crisis in the summer is to work on yourself. It will help you maintain a better relationship. So now we are going to give you some practical tips to improve your relationship and make it grow.
3 tips for keeping conflicts in check with your partner this summer
1. Try to look for the positive things you like about your partner and let them hear them
It is very important for you to keep your 5 senses clear so that you can find what you like most about your partner. As humans, we tend to get a little stuck and emphasize the negative things more than the positive ones. And you need to actively combat this tendency to keep the bond between you and your partner strong and healthy.
It is extremely important to let your partner know the things you like about them. It is very comforting for your partner to tell you what they like about you. When they tell you that you look good, it gives you a big boost of positive energy that will result in your best qualities shining even more.
2. Exercise good communication by using active listening, empathy and eye contact
Communication is the key factor when it comes to expressing disagreement with your partner. And it is a way for you to establish strong and intimate relationships. For communication to be effective, you must use active listening, be empathetic and keep eye contact. Make sure the other person knows that you have all your senses focused on them.
Plan your summer vacation and find a time when each of you can “be free” for a while
Even if you are on holiday, you do not have to be together all the time. It is very healthy and positive for a couple to have some moments where each person can breathe in their own air without worrying about the other person. Knowing how to be yourself is the best recipe for self-esteem and self-esteem, which you can bring into your relationship. Give yourself a moment of personal intimacy and solitude. It will help you connect with your emotions and personal needs.
Finally, remember that a relationship is a part of your life that you must take care of and cultivate for the rest of your life. The summer holidays will put your relationship to the test. But if you have a solid relationship and there are more positive than negative things, there is no reason why an argument means that things are not going well, or lead to a breakup.
