Come Here Anxiety, I’m Waiting For You
We often consider anxiety to be a condition we should never be in. We use phrases such as “anxiety is for the weak”, “anxiety can drive you crazy”, “others can see if I have anxiety and think negatively about me” etc Precisely because we do everything we can to avoid anxiety, what happens so often when we try to avoid something, namely that it has a boomerang effect, and we end up being even more anxious than we were to begin with.
Most often, it begins with a difficult situation in our lives that we experience as a threat. By interpreting it in this way, a number of psychological mechanisms are set in motion to either flee from, or fight against, the threat. This is the famous escape or fight mechanism.
The problem is that in addition to the original problem, there is almost always a new problem: namely that we become anxious because we are anxious. It is as if we fear our own fears, and therefore we end up in a vicious circle from which it can be difficult to get out.
Why do we fear our own anxiety?
All unfounded fears come from well-known irrational notions. These absolute and exaggerated truths we have been fed throughout our lives and eventually made our own.
The fear of anxiety is therefore neither more nor less than this. We have been told things like “we have to be strong”, “anxiety can drive you crazy or kill you”, ” smart and strong people do not get anxious”, “anxiety isolates you from other people”.
Anxiety has been portrayed as something “dangerous” and that is why we are so afraid of being anxious. We can go crazy or die, become friendless, imperfect… so awful!
Fortunately, these performances are not real. Anxiety is a basic, essential emotion that we all feel at some point in our lives. It is thanks to anxiety that we have survived as a race and as an individual. Anxiety helps us protect ourselves from real dangers that could compromise our lives.
The anxiety itself, in other words, is not so bad. On the other hand, it tends to develop into an unruly demon. It does not take our lives, but saves lives, and it makes us neither less strong nor more vulnerable. On the contrary: it makes us human.
Embrace the anxiety
If we want to be less anxious, then the first step is not to want to be less anxious. This may seem contradictory, but in psychology, one finds this paradox in a number of situations.
When we maintain a demanding mind that wants what it wants no matter what it costs, we do exactly what pushes us away. That is, if we ask ourselves not to be an anxious person – and understand this request as a zero tolerance for anxiety – then we will end up being even more anxious. We will be left with the feeling that we have not reached our goals, even though on the other hand they are often unrealistic.
We must change our demanding attitude to one of tolerance. That is, to accept that we are human and that at several times in our lives we will experience anxiety, which is neither good nor bad, just normal.
We must stop viewing anxiety as a terrible, unbearable feeling. It is true that the psychological symptoms of anxiety can be both irritating and unpleasant, but it is also annoying and uncomfortable on a very hot day, whether you have a fever or are struggling with a headache. No one likes to have a stomach ache, sweat or experience that the heart beats faster than normal, but all this is actually affordable, and not so serious. If we convince ourselves of the opposite, then the symptoms will only increase.
The last point is about unconditionally accepting oneself as an imperfect person. Being anxious means nothing more than being anxious. That does not mean you are weak, or sick, or less valuable than anyone else. The people you see as emotionally strong have also experienced and are experiencing anxiety in their lives.
So, look the anxiety in your eyes, let it come to you, feel it, hold on to it, and tell it that it is a little heavy, but that it is not too bad. It is only when you are able to do this, and mean it, that you can get rid of the anxiety.
