Suddenly You Came: A Story About Falling In Love

I always saw her walk through the hallways of the school. I always tried to sit close to her just so I could admire her beauty. Her face conveyed peace and quiet. Her hair was long, wavy and dark. She was physically perfect. She was the kind of girl I always longed for. What I still had to learn was that falling in love is just an illusion.

On occasions we made eye contact and greeted each other. My voice always trembled in those moments. I never knew what to say. I finally realized that I was falling in love with her.

Patricia was the type of girl I had always wanted to be with. And there we were, in the same room every single morning. When I got close to her, I smelled a delicious perfume that invaded the whole atmosphere. My legs shook every time she greeted me.

Next to me

I always imagined walking through town with her next to me. There we went and talked about the beautiful and strange buildings and commented on everything around us. We sat on a bench where we talked and laughed. After that we went to a place where we could eat and have a good time. Then, one day, we hugged and kissed. Every time I saw her at school, all these thoughts invaded my mind.

One day, while I was having lunch with one of my classmates, she sat down next to us. How was this possible at all? It seemed as if they had known each other for a while. I had no idea! I started to get very nervous. My dream girl was sitting right in front of me. She was beautiful. I thought she was perfect. I fell more and more in love every day, but I was also afraid to disappoint her.

The illusion of a special connection

We started eating lunch together more often. We talked about many different things and laughed. We always asked for the menu. She liked soda, but I preferred to drink water. She liked salad and I liked pasta. I asked for fruit for dessert while she asked for a caramel pudding. I looked her in the eyes and imagined that we were together on an island where we sunbathed and bathed in crystal clear water.

We continued to see each other more and more. It seemed like she was interested in me too. By this time I had been in love with her for about a year and a half. One day we decided to have a cup of coffee. We had a very nice time. We had different hobbies, but I did not mind. I realized that we completed each other despite that. She did certain things that made me believe that there was a special connection between us.

The time had come

Patricia sat down next to me in the school canteen one winter afternoon and said, ” I have to tell you something.”

I immediately started shaking. The time had come.

“Of course, what is it?” so I.

“The thing is, I’m starting to fall in love with someone. I have not told you this before because I do not like to talk about such things, but I just do not know what to do. “

“But what is the problem? Is it that the person you love does not love you back? ” I asked.

“Yes, he does,” she said.

“So?” I asked.

“He lives in another city. So you see, we rarely see each other and I do not like long distance relationships. People say they are difficult. ”

At that moment, I stopped listening to what she said. I plunged into a dark, bottomless pit. I looked at her and felt a rage I had not experienced in a very long time.

So she’s in love with someone else? She had given me signals! What happened? This could not be true, I should be the one she is in love with. I have loved her in secret for so long, but I have never told her about my feelings.

I would not continue to listen to her. In fact, I did not want to see her again. I was so disappointed. I was so excited to be in a happy relationship with her in the future when I really had no chance with her. Although I loved her, she loved another man. Nothing made sense anymore. I could not believe she was giving me false signals.

What really happened?

A few months later , I met an old man on the bus on the way home. We sat next to each other. The drive was an hour and a half, so we definitely had time to talk.

We talked about many different things. I decided to tell him about my disappointing love story. To my surprise, the man looked at me tenderly and said with a smile: “The problem was that you were not in love with her.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, confused. I had loved her for more than a year, how could I not have been in love?

“You can not love someone you do not know,  at least not romantically. You were in love with the idea of ​​her, not of her. Falling in love does not necessarily mean that you love someone, remember that. Falling in love is an illusion. ”

We did not say anything for a few minutes. I did not understand what he meant. I did not know what facial expression I should have. The old man continued to look out the window and smile.

Then he turned to me and said, “You were probably interested in that girl because of her physical appearance, and from there you began to envision a happy life where you were by her side. You were excited and hopeful, but you did not know her. Little by little  , you began to idealize her. ”

Betatt

As you began to notice her more and more, you became aware of the aspects you liked. At the same time, you began to ignore her mistakes. You thought she would make you happy. Basically, you put your happiness in her hands. Sorry, my friend, but it’s not love, it’s being captivated. That’s why you were so disappointed. Love is real, authentic. True love is when you do not expect anything from the other person and will do anything to make them happy.

You interpreted her signals as gestures of love because that is what you wanted. You were the writer, director and producer of the romantic movie you created in your head and you ended up believing it so much that you disconnected from reality. But do not worry, it happens to all of us. It is not uncommon for us to fall into that trap at least once. If you really loved her, you want her to be happy even if it’s not with you. So next time, think about whether you are really starting to fall in love with the person or if you are just creating irrational expectations in your head.

Falling in love is an illusion

The old man continued: “As José Ortega y Gasset said: ‘We fall in love when our imagination projects non-existent perfection on another person. One day the imagination evaporates, and with it love dies. ‘ Interesting, is not it? It took me a while to remember, but it had such an impact on my life that it was impossible for me to forget it. Now it will also help you. ”

The bus ride was over. I said goodbye to the old man. I came home, greeted my parents and sat down on the couch. After that, I kept thinking about everything the man had told me. It seemed crazy at first, but I realized he was right when I analyzed it.

It was true, Patricia had never had feelings for me. My mind had created everything. I still remember what he told me: “ If you truly love someone, wish them well and wish them happiness. Do not see what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. If they are suffering, help them. That’s what love is all about: helping others and making them happy. If that person also loves you, I assure you that it will be the best relationship you will ever experience. ”

Falling in love

Suddenly everything made sense. I started reading about falling in love and found an interesting article written by Chòliz and Gòmez (2002) in which they confirm that attractive people have advantages over those who are not. We start attributing desirable qualities to them just because they look good. In addition, it makes us treat them better.

Thanks to the old man’s wise words and everything I read, I became more and more convinced that falling in love is an illusion. That is why it is important to be aware of the expectations we make in our heads.

Every time I meet a girl now and feel an instant emotional activation in me, I repeat several times: “Falling in love is an illusion.”