Dobby Effect And Guilt

Punishing oneself is a reality for many people. This is why the “Dobby effect” has become so popular.

If you are familiar with the Harry Potter books, you are probably familiar with the name Noldus, or Dobby if you have read them in English. Noldus is a house elf who is known for hurting himself every time he does not meet the expectations of his masters.

This character is meant to be funny. However, his self-harm terrifies everyone around him. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves?

The Dobby effect is closely related to the way the ever-lovable Santa treats himself. Guilt after doing something that goes against your values, or that most people consider unethical or immoral, is normal to some degree. However, you have a problem when you constantly punish yourself because you feel guilty about everything. This is a problem because you are putting too much responsibility on yourself.

Excess guilt

There are many reasons to feel guilty in our society without having any real reason to do so. We often feel guilty because we do not believe that we meet other people’s expectations or what we think society expects of us. Here are some examples to help you understand this better:

• Being a bad mother . Many women suffer from postpartum depression. This is a condition that makes them feel extremely guilty. Because according to literature, being a mother is the best thing that can happen to a woman. Therefore, it should lead to complete, eternal happiness. In most cases where this expectation is not met, the guilt will thus manifest itself.

• You asked for it. Many abused people often justify abuse and violence from their “better” half because of negative actions or attitudes they may have had. Thus, they are unable to leave them because they feel guilty. After all, they asked for it, they inflicted it on themselves. This was pointed out in a study on women who feel guilty when they are beaten by their partners.

There are many other scenarios where a person may suffer from the Dobby effect. For example, the woman who is going through postpartum depression gets worse from feeling guilty. In the same way , the abused person justifies the abuse they are suffering from. It is, in fact, a kind of indirect self-discipline. They do not harm themselves, they just let someone else do it.

The role of responsibility in the Dobby effect

Guilt does not have to be expressed in a harmful way. However, it happens that it becomes the driving force to punish oneself for no other purpose than to suffer. A sense of guilt that becomes perverse when it kills your self-confidence by letting others hurt you. This is what Dobby did.

Sometimes this responsibility that you put on yourself has been there since childhood. Maybe your parents poured all their frustration on you. Maybe they told you that you did not deserve yours and that over and over again. It is clear that all this kept in your mind, and as you grew up you learned that “it is your fault” or that “you are a bad person”. By that you mean you should be punished for it.

The good news is that despite all this, you can escape the Dobby effect. The best way to do that is to do things that will help you improve your self-esteem. Once you have improved your self-concept, you can start to be kinder to yourself and therefore more flexible with your mistakes. Above all, however, you will stop taking on more responsibility than you should.

Conclusion

Do not hesitate if you feel that you identify with the Dobby effect. Consult a professional who can help you.

Not only will it improve your internal dialogue, but also the way you treat yourself. In this way, you protect yourself from these dangerous phenomena.