How To Have Difficult Conversations

Even if you do not feel like it, you sometimes have difficult conversations. Many people choose to avoid them as if the problem would just go away on its own. But it does not work that way. In fact, it inevitably often complicates things even more.

You should not be afraid of difficult conversations. There are strategies you can use to deal with such situations. If you play your cards right, you can learn to master them and avoid drama. That way you get what you would hope for from the conversation: effective  communication.  Let’s look at how to do it.

Strategies for difficult conversations

The first thing you should do is  set aside the  preconceived notion of what a difficult conversation is.  Ultimately, it’s what we call conversations that we think will cause us problems. So you expect problems, which gives excitement from the beginning. You become defensive.

Here’s the first key to mastering difficult conversations: Do not expect complications. It will help you focus on the conversation and gain some perspective. It will also give you the opportunity to pay attention to the signs of your partner and act on their emotional changes and reactions.

Active listening without putting your emotions first

People need to feel that they are being listened to. Therefore, you should not just be attentive and willing to listen. Your whole body should show that you are listening. Listening, as we all know, is indispensable for good communication.

If the other person experiences tension, anxiety, that you are trying to defend yourself, or aggression, they will react negatively. They will not be willing to listen. On the other hand, if you are encouraging, calm, and compassionate, it will be easier for them to feel the same way.

A conversation, no matter how difficult it may seem, is not a fight. There are no winners or losers. Therefore, if you want to make something clear, you have to be calm. This is especially important if the other person seems emotional.

Do not put your feelings first, even if it hurts

It is also important not to put your feelings first, even if the other person has hurt you. Your partner must feel validated. They need to know that their emotions mean something too. They need to know that you believe in them, despite their actions and how much they have hurt you.

First, make the purpose of the conversation clear. Then focus on your partner’s thoughts and feelings. It is important. Accept them without judging before proceeding; do not hold any feelings against them. Your time to express your ideas and feelings comes later.

Learn to interpret and deal with emotional changes

Many people “turn off” in difficult conversations. It makes them feel even more nervous, and it is unlikely that the conversation will end well. But if you pay attention, you will notice these changes and be able to keep the conversation calm and under control.

For example,  if you notice that the tone of your partner’s voice changes, tell them. You can also choose not to tell them, but you should at least think about what the tone means. People often change the way they speak right before they say what is important to them because they are afraid of what might happen.

Another signal you should watch out for is nervous laughter.  Some people laugh when they feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. They do not make fun of you – it is actually quite the opposite. It is similar when we cry for happiness.

Nervous laughter tends to indicate distress.  If your partner laughs nervously, ask them how they feel. It gives you the opportunity to identify a starting point where you can move forward in a positive way. It may also indicate that they are trying to avoid a particular emotion. Therefore, it is important to ask them to express what is bothering them and help them open up.

Changes in the pattern of visual contact may also indicate emotional variations.  You may notice that the other person needs a break just by looking at their eyes. If they ignore you or keep your eyes on you in a threatening, cool way, it could mean that something important came up during the conversation.

It is time to ask them, without any hint of aggression, to share their views. Then you should listen to it without interruption and without judging.

You may notice that they  use the word “but” a lot. It is a sign that they want to talk about what they are afraid of, but can not say it because they are afraid or ashamed. Take advantage of these “buts” to help them complete the sentence.

Having difficult conversations is good for both of you

As we said before, a conversation is not a struggle. There are no winners or losers. If you want to understand something, draw conclusions, or come up with solutions, you need to find a way to have that difficult conversation.

It’s not about being right or proving anything. In fact, in this type of conversation, it is the worst possible focus. You will not achieve anything and you have a lot to lose. Open your mind.  Set aside your anger and their “evil deed. “

If you find all of this difficult (it often is, let’s not pretend otherwise) think about what you hope to get out of the conversation. Tell your partner. It is important that you both know where the conversation is going.