Do Not Always Treat Someone The Way You Want To Be Treated

Treating others the way you want to be treated is a moral principle many people and ideologies share. Philosophers, religious leaders, and influential people promote this idea as a guide to human affairs. Almost everyone is familiar with “the golden rule”, although it may not be by that name. Given how universal this concept is, it may surprise you to hear that living by this is not always the best approach in social interactions.

We have all had moments when a recipient of our actions has completely misinterpreted them. Or worse, that our well-meaning actions have been detrimental to their interests. It seems a little unfair that someone’s genuine concern for the well – being of others can have a negative impact, but it happens all the time. The reason may be that you base your actions on the wrong perspective: your own.

Is it good to treat others the way you want to be treated?

“Do to others as you would have others do to you” is a very well-known statement from the Bible. And that seems like a great premise. It implies good intentions and a great awareness of how you behave towards others.

If you acquire this, you will probably be more honest, understanding, supportive and kind. This moral principle can motivate you to do a friend a favor when you do not really feel like it, or think twice before criticizing someone.

Desires and expectations are not universal

When you move beyond the general concepts of goodness and understanding, to a more practical and concrete plan, the golden rule does not work so well. For example, imagine buying an expensive watch as a gift for your best friend on his birthday. When you give him the gift and see his disappointed expression, you may be confused or even angry.

Maybe your friend was hoping for a gift of emotional significance or a homemade gift. Or maybe he was expecting a dinner or a shared experience instead of a material gift.

This form of misconnection can take place in all aspects of your life. These misunderstandings often occur between parents and their children for example. Maybe you are a father who sees your son going through a complicated or stressful situation. You try to help him by putting his problem in context so that he sees that it is not as big a problem as he thinks, or that the consequences will not be so great. Even if you had responded well to this form of support, your son may not feel the same way. Maybe he thinks you’re just trying to make him forget the situation so he’s not bothering you.

In the same way, we can also say that you, for example, quarreled with your boyfriend and realized that you were wrong, so you decide to call him or visit him so that you can talk. When you call, however, he is annoyed and does not want a conversation with you. What’s happening here? You may see your phone call or your visit as an outstretched hand, but it’s just too early for your partner. They need time alone to deal with their mind.

Take other people’s needs into consideration

We are not trying to say that treating others the way you want to be treated is wrong. It’s a good starting point, but we’ll add a reminder: You want others to take your personality and needs into account, so that’s exactly what you’re going to do for others. 

Think about the other person’s preferences, needs and desires. Give them the gift with your ability to see things from their point of view. Do not focus so much on what you yourself would like. Instead, think of these as actions that you must take on a regular basis. After all, it is obvious that everyone is unique.

You may prefer that others are completely direct and honest with you, but the person you interact with needs tact, understanding and discretion. Maybe you prefer to be alone after an argument, but you know that your partner likes to have your presence, company and dialogue. If you are trying to follow the golden rule, you should stay away from your partner after a discussion.

Human relationships are complex. It is not about balancing your desires and your thoughts with those around you. If you want to know about the best way to treat other people, you should still change perspective and see things from their point of view. To conclude, you should treat others the way they will be treated.