Why Do We Feel Uncomfortable When We Receive Compliments?

Do we really need to receive compliments at all times and in all circumstances? Maybe you have felt uncomfortable when you received a compliment at some point in your life. This situation is more common than you might think.

But let’s start from the beginning. What are compliments? A compliment is a specific expression that emphasizes positive qualities. Compliments serve as social reinforcement and help to make the interaction between people more pleasant.

To put it another way, a compliment is a form of praise. When you receive a compliment, the person complimenting you tries to highlight one of your positive qualities. Thus, there is no need to feel uncomfortable when someone compliments you. However, these forms of praise make many people feel uncomfortable, they may even feel that it is very uncomfortable. But why is that?

To reconsider compliments

As we mentioned earlier, a compliment is in principle something nice and positive. To give a compliment is to say something nice to another person. In practice, this means pointing to one of their qualities or behaviors that we like or value in a positive way.

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves. It makes us feel good. Nevertheless, it is not so common to exchange positive verbal messages in our society. We rarely use positive affirmation, and we are more used to dealing with punishment.

We consider what we see as “good”, “positive” or “what we like” as “the way things should be”. As such, why should we talk about them? This is the main reason why we rarely give or receive compliments.

In fact, you may feel “shy”, “uncomfortable”, “stupid” or even “ridiculous” when someone compliments you. Still, if you think positive feedback is better than punishment, you may be motivated to change this.

When someone else gives you a compliment, it may surprise you, it may seem strange, or in extreme cases, it may even make you laugh at the person who gave it to you. Therefore, it is important to know how to cope with receiving compliments, not just giving them.

What are the benefits of knowing how to deal with compliments?

Receiving compliments is actually easy, although it may seem difficult to many people. In fact, there are many benefits to knowing how to do it. Let’s take a look at them:

• Through them, you discover what another person likes about you.
• They help you establish friendships.
• It can reduce the tension you feel when you are too embarrassed, tense or anxious to say something.

• They make others feel good. We all like that others notice our qualities, merits and abilities.
• They reinforce positive behavior. A person who receives a compliment may try to continue engaging in this behavior. This increases the chances of getting more compliments in the future.

Negative thoughts that block you from receiving praise

Now that you know the benefits of knowing how to receive compliments, we move on to the next question. Why do compliments make us feel uncomfortable? Behind this discomfort is the belief that people only do things when they want something in return. This belief can lead you to see praise as a danger or threat. As such, you may react with distrust, fear, anxiety or even danger. Nevertheless, there is usually no danger. Compliments are usually only means of positive affirmation.

It is true that sometimes people use compliments to manipulate you. Because of this, words that basically create positive emotions can be seen as negative. If you have experienced this before, you can interpret compliments as manipulation.

The fear of standing out can also block you from receiving compliments in a good way. Some people think it is best to be simple and modest because people envy those who shine. This belief can even ruin your own ability to say good things about yourself.

Another belief associated with discomfort in receiving compliments is related to quid pro quo. You might think that someone who compliments you is just hoping to get a compliment back. That belief is irrational. You can not know what another person is thinking. It is best to believe that people give compliments spontaneously without expecting anything in return.

It is best to believe that compliments are sincere

One last belief associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments is that the person complimenting you is actually bothering you. You can often assume that people who praise you are sarcastic and only do so to annoy you.

If this is the case, it is best to change this belief to something healthier. You may think that it may or may not be a sarcastic comment. Either way, it’s best to accept it as a real compliment. If it turns out to be sincere, it’s good for you. If not, your gracious acceptance will still ruin their attempts to tease you.

You can change these irrational experiences that give you discomfort when you receive compliments. That way, you get closer to being able to receive them in a nice way.