Motherhood: Deal With It Without Wearing Yourself Out Completely

Motherhood is a unique experience that makes us grow and enjoy life. It is also a roller coaster of emotions: an important stage of happiness, exhaustion, change and expectations that we must learn to control. Taking on motherhood can go from something overwhelming to something truly fulfilling, or to a step in life where you experience both.

As we wait for the baby, we feel the changes coming and we think we are prepared for them. But the truth is that when the time comes, many things can feel overwhelming. The baby’s arrival is full of happiness and excitement, but apart from positive emotions, it also brings a total change in routines and priorities. It turns our world upside down.

Feeling that a major change destabilizes our lives does not necessarily mean that we were not prepared.  It just means that it is a process that puts us to the test because of the scope. Like any other process of such significance, we need some time to adapt to the changes.

Adding such an important role in your life and looking for a balance may seem impossible, especially in the first few months, but it is possible. In fact, we need to find balance in all our roles in life in order to fully enjoy motherhood.

Dealing with motherhood

This is not a unique way to do it. In fact, we can say that there are as many ways as there are mothers. But there are some things we should pay attention to, especially if we want to deal with the frequency and intensity of the dreaded moments of anxiety and restlessness.

Do not try to fit into external criteria

Motherhood is full of pressure and prejudice. These come from stereotypes and criticisms that seem to establish what is right and what is wrong, what makes you a good mother and a bad mother. Do not fall into this absurdity. The pediatrician should decide if something is right and wrong.

Do not focus on what people think what motherhood is and focus more on what it means to you individually. Give it your own opinion because, if it is built on external criteria, it will be difficult for you to feel good. Love is the foundation of motherhood and true love is always natural. Therefore, follow your own criteria and intuition. Make your own definition of what it means to be a mother, and you will probably be the best mother to your children.

Shared responsibility

Fathers and mothers are different, but equally skilled, necessary and competent. If we assume that both parents want the best for their children, why do the mothers not fully delegate and / or trust the partner’s abilities?

In many cases, women take on the responsibilities of parents . Mothers usually do not allow fathers to become as involved in the child’s care and upbringing as they are. This is unfair. Later, mothers end up complaining about it.

Having both roles is a mistake. It is based on convenience and termination. The responsibility for caring for a baby should not fall on just one person  (in the case of families with two parents). It is important to share the responsibility equally.

Be confident

As soon as we have our baby, everyone seems to have an education in motherhood. They tell you and insist that you do things one way or another. It does not matter if they have seen the baby for five minutes or two hours, everyone thinks they know what is best. They even take the liberty of correcting or criticizing you.

This does not stop unless you set clear boundaries,  so the sooner you set them, the better. The parents of the child are the only ones responsible for the child’s physical and mental well-being. Find the way to express your discomfort clearly and respectfully. Protect your motherhood with respect and do not allow disrespect in the form of advice or opinions.

Tackle your guilt

Guilt is a feeling that arises in those who are mothers for the very first time. The guilt of not being able to breastfeed, of not taking the child to kindergarten, of being late, of the baby getting sick, of not enjoying more time, of feeling sad… an endless source of guilt .

Guilt can be a dead end for any mother. It is not constructive and it never brings anything positive. You should turn your guilt into responsibilities and solutions. If you think you have made a mistake, just try to improve and do better next time. If there was nothing to do to avoid what happened, you are not responsible and it makes no sense to feel guilty. If you feel sad, irritable or have a recurring feeling that you do not like motherhood, then stop and think. Seek professional help if necessary and keep trying.

Set aside some time for yourself

Being a good mother means being with your baby 24 hours a day. Many times we do not allow ourselves time alone because we do not think it is necessary, or because we feel that handing over the care of someone else makes us bad parents. A successful motherhood will also depend on us not giving up our individuality. We do not have to give up our career, friendship, our partner or our leisure activities. What we really need is to learn to organize and adapt our lives to the new challenges we face.

When we become a mother, we do not cease to be a person, so we can not give up our individuality. We must continue to take care of ourselves. We should not overlook all the other aspects of our lives. We must also feel good about ourselves to feel good as mothers. It is a fact that happy parents raise happy children. Do not let yourself go because, even though being a parent is something valuable and important, there is more to life than just your role as a mother.

Do not compare yourself

It is popular to say that motherhood is something wonderful, a unique experience. It is true. What is often not said about motherhood, however, is that it is a difficult phase in life where everything changes. We can sometimes feel that it is overwhelming, that it is not what we expected and that we cannot continue. It can feel like a downward spiral of emotions, especially if we believe that other mothers are happy and well.

When it comes to motherhood, you and your relationship are unique, so there is no room for comparison. Taking on motherhood in the healthiest way is about trying your best. What other mothers do does not make them better or worse mothers than you. Motherhood is not a competition.

There are endless ways to be the best mom

There are as many mothers as there are ways to deal with motherhood. This means that you should be a mother in your own way, on your own terms. Give yourself the luxury of letting go of unnecessary pressure and allow yourself to enjoy it your way.

It is important to understand that all the uncertainties, doubts and bad days are part of motherhood as well as life. It is also important to  allow ourselves and accept that not all emotions associated with such an intense experience must be positive. In fact, it would not be natural for them to be.

Motherhood is a precious stone that we polish every day. Before we became mothers, we were human. We should also remember that we are the central axis of our own lives, the foundation on which our children build their lives. All we need to do is be generous with ourselves to cope with the mission of motherhood in a healthy way.