Passive-aggressive Personality Disorder – A Life Of Ambiguity

Your better half does not want to join an event you have been invited to, but he agrees to join anyway. But, he wastes so much time that when he is finally ready, the party is almost over.

This is a characteristic behavior for people with passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD).

It’s much more common than you might think. But it is very difficult to detect because these people tend to be volatile and cunning.

How do people react with PAPD?

Their behavior is defined by resistance to external demands. They adopt a passive attitude to essential and sensible obligations that everyone must accept in daily life.

It is very difficult to get along with them because they try to avoid responsibility at all costs. They simply “forget” them or place them at the bottom of their priority list.

For example, if they have committed to bring a special dish to a party, they go out and buy it when everyone has already sat down to eat. It is an extreme form of apathy.

They tend to be demanding, dependent, afraid to be alone and have low self-esteem. They are two-sided, and swing between two extremities, which creates confusion around them. They are manipulative, pessimistic and annoying.

On top of that, they refuse to take a critical look at themselves or take responsibility for their actions. They justify and find every excuse to absolve themselves of every mistake, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.

Ambiguity and anger

People with passive-aggressive personality disorder tend to have a large gap between what they say and what they do. It is almost impossible to know what they are feeling, because they show either no emotions at all, or two completely opposite emotions at the same time.

Imagine your partner saying, “I do not love you anymore. I have stopped loving you ”, and then shouts “ Do not leave me! I can not live without you!” Their communication is always ambiguous and indirect.

Usually when people are bothered by something, they say something about it and try to fix it. But these people do not. They keep it to themselves and behave as if nothing has happened. But inside they are furious.

Therefore , they are always forthcoming, but full of rage. And they never express this rage because they feel it is a totally unacceptable feeling. They suppress it because they are unable to express it in a healthy way.

In fact, they hide it so well that even though they are full of rage, no one around them understands that they are offended or harassed. They appear warm, approachable, docile and friendly, but deep down they are jealous, vengeful and angry.

Sour and in a bad mood

Passive-aggressive personality disorder makes people reserved, unreliable and lonely. They cannot control their emotions and become easily angry and irritated.

They feel like they are being abused all the time. Therefore , they tend to act hostile, cynical and stubborn. Their projection becomes so extreme, that the more you try to speak sensibly to them, the more they feel like a victim.

They are also disrespectful, and as a way of defending their independence, they tend to reject other people’s suggestions.

Obstacle and control

It is very important to them that the people around them do not get what they want. They’re just a facade. Even though they make you believe that they support you and are always there for you, their actions reveal the opposite. They never give you what you ask for.

Because they do not like to be responsible for anyone, they have no faith in deadlines. If you give them a deadline or a time when you want them to have something finished, they will, as a general rule, not comply with it. They prefer to do things their own way, without feeling pressure or obligation.

This has a major impact on their performance at work. If your boss asks them to finish a report by the next morning, not only will it not be finished, but they will also not try to explain why they have not done it. They just let time go by until they feel like doing it.

Sometimes they fabricate a story or manipulate information to get out of the situation.

Causes of passive-aggressive personality disorder

Although experts are not entirely sure, many believe that the causes of passive-aggressive personality disorder are a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Self-confidence, attachment style in childhood, family dynamics and learned behavior can play a role.

Childhood abuse, disproportionate punishment and abuse of psychoactive substances in adolescence can also make it more likely. Other conditions that appear at the same time as passive-aggressive personality disorder include ADHD, stress, depression, bipolar disorder, various other personality disorders and various addictions.

How to behave around someone with PAPD?

As you have seen, it is not easy to respond to or confront their behavior because they make other people feel powerless.

If you need to be in close contact with a passive-aggressive person, the best thing you can do is try not to let yourself be dragged down by their bad mood.

Instead, respond to them with kindness. Being positive and optimistic, using humor, and talking about banal topics is a good way to resist their negative influence.

If you have enough influence, it is best to try to get them to seek psychological help. The psychotherapist will try to reduce their anger and frustration by teaching them effective coping strategies. They want to work with their objectivity, self-confidence and problem solving in an efficient and healthy way.