5 Tips To Express Your Feelings

When you feel happy, it is easy to smile and show others that you are in a  positive mood. But, when you are serious, the interpretation becomes much more subjective. Do others think you are tired? Sad? Annoyed? That’s why it’s so important to know how to best express your feelings.

Expressing your feelings out loud allows others to understand you. It allows them to get to know you better. It also helps them to know what to do and to avoid misunderstandings or anger. Expressing your feelings helps you deal with difficult situations. It also improves your ability to know yourself. Here are some tips to help you.

How can you express your feelings?

Search for the origin

Putting words to many sensations and emotions is very complex. Many times we are not aware of what first led to our bad mood. Therefore, to begin with,  we need to ask ourselves what happened that changed our mood so much. What made us feel that way?

Try to relax for a few minutes and “clean up” your brain  so you can identify what has led to a change in you. Find what has made you feel all these  emotions. Close your eyes if you think it will help, and reflect. What is it that causes you to feel surprise, joy, disgust, contempt or fear?

Increase your emotional vocabulary

Saying a simple “I’m sorry” or “I’m fine” is better than nothing, but it helps little when it comes to expressing your feelings. Try to be more specific and precise with the words you use to explain how you feel. The more specific you are, the better you will understand how you feel.

For example, imagine that you are angry with your boss because he humiliated you in front of your colleagues. When explaining this to another person, you can use adjectives such as “embarrassed”, “powerless”, “annoying”, “angry” or “humiliated”. This will make it easier for the other person to understand you and know how they can help you.

Say things like “I feel”, “I perceive”, or “I feel”,  instead of “I think”, “my opinion”. The latter do not talk about your internal state but rather your mental processing.

“Try not to think about it” does not work

Imagine that your partner does not like to have their hair touched. Every time you do that, they end up in a bad mood. If they do not tell you that they do not like it, it is normal that you want to continue with this as a sign of love. This can cause irritation. Finally, there is something that will make your partner explode, and you will not understand why.

You may think they are exaggerating and you may think it is because of something else that happened. Therefore, the consequences will not be as expected and their fear, anger or irritation will be turned against you. With this we can see that silence is not the best choice. By trying not to think about it and avoidance, only prolongs our discomfort, the restlessness of those around us, and it can even lead to conflict. 

Communicate emotions, not thoughts

When we want to express our feelings, we use the word “feel”. If we talk about thoughts, we use “feel that”. The difference is very nice and lies in the use of the word “that”. For example, “I feel scared” (feeling) or “I feel that fear paralyzes me” (thought).

In the latter case, we rationalize a feeling or how we have reacted to a situation. This means that we have already processed in a cognitive way the origin of our emotions. We no longer explain the effect a situation has on us, but its possible consequences.

Exercise on emotional responsibility

If you start explaining yourself with a “you make me feel”, you not only blame them, you also give them power over your feelings. The responsibility for emotions is personal and non-transferable. Wanting to  pass it on to others  is neither ethical nor entirely possible. In addition, it can create problems with the people around you.

Speak freely

How do you feel after saying something you have been thinking about for a long time? As if you let go of something, right? Talking is therapeutic and redemptive. According to several different studies, the people who avoid communication have a greater risk of getting cancer (Chapman, Fiscella and Kawachi 2013).

As human beings, we cannot help but feel emotions and feelings. It is in our nature. The best way to respect ourselves is to learn to live with our emotions.  Accept  them and try to understand them.

If you try to express your feelings once, the next time will be easier. Eventually it will become completely natural and you can make it a daily event. If you succeed, you will have a great emotional advantage over others.

To express your feelings in a healthy way

When we express what we feel highly, the intensity of the discomfort that emotions inflict on us will decrease. This is because by expressing our emotions, the  amygdala reduces its activity. This will lead to a reduction in emotional response (Lieberman et.al., 2007).

In addition,  knowing how to express your feelings will increase your psychological strength and your ability to face difficult situations  (Kross et al., 2009). It will prepare you mentally to know how to react  to unusual events.

Although it is not easy,  investing time in expressing emotions will improve the quality of your relationship. It is an effort that requires constant introspective work and that you accept yourself completely.