3 Challenging Conversations Every Couple Should Have

Sooner or later you have to do it. Either because an everyday, meaningless conversation leads you there or because it is a topic that you have to clean up directly. These are typical unpleasant and challenging conversations that push the relationship down a cliff if they are not handled well.

In fact, if you discover that you have conflicting thoughts, and none of them leave room for movement, it can ruin the relationship completely. However, the idea is not to avoid them. Instead, each person should ask themselves what it is they want to communicate and then do it as best they can. So what are these unpleasant, difficult conversations every couple should have? And how should we approach them so that they do not cause us to have a bad end to the relationship?

Ex: the past always comes back

“I do not understand what you saw in him / her.” “How could you have been with someone like that?” These are some things people end up saying when talking about their partner’s past relationships. Maybe innocent words, but with the power to unlock Pandora’s box.

To avoid such challenging conversations becoming torture or ending up as an argument, it is therefore important to do something clear. And that is, what place does the ex have in the partner’s mind and life? If they were married for several years and have children together, it is not the same as if their relationship only lasted a few months.

And the only way to know this is through asking. But do it without getting upset, from a place of honesty, respect and looking for understanding. Nevertheless, you need to be aware of three important aspects in your partner’s response.

Three important aspects in difficult, challenging conversations about the partner’s ex…

• How do they talk about the ex: Is their voice filled with anger, pain, contempt or indifference? This will give you a hint about the feelings they still have for the ex.
• Whether they tend to bring up the ex in everyday conversations: Whether they tell stories about previous experiences with the ex, and whether they do it naturally, without giving it more meaning than it deserves.
• If they are still in contact with each other, and how often: Whether they talk very often and what communication channels they use. If the ex is part of their group of friends, or if your partner has deleted the ex’s number…

That said, do not forget that when you have such sometimes challenging conversations with your partner, the past should always be seen for what it is. Do not try to interpret your partner’s experiences based on your own.  Sure, you would have done things differently in many situations, but have understanding.

And then if the jealousy shows up, it’s good to remember that now your partner is with someone who complements them even better. And that person is none other than you.

The future: uncertainty can stifle you

Does my partner think I’m the big love of their lives? Have they thought about marrying me one day? Will they start a family with me? Will they be a good mother / father? Will your parenting  instinct  ever arise? These are some of the questions everyone asks themselves when they start considering a serious relationship with someone. With the right one .

It is not easy to address these issues. While it may mean falling in love even more, it can also disappoint us to the core.

Also, if they are the ones asking these questions and you have not had time to think about them, you may freeze. The truth is that sometimes we do not have all the tools available to stop demons and things we fear from the past from returning. And we can not answer; we panic. Instead, think of these as actions that you must take on a regular basis, the more power you have over your own future. Uncertainty is not a good travel partner.

What if our answers are different?

If there are differences in your views on the future, this is a good time to discuss these differences. Even if you seem to have completely opposite views on the future. For example, differences in whether you want children or not are not something you want to smooth over.

When the time comes to organize the future, it is best to start with areas where your opinions are most similar. Then you can slowly increase the level of difficulty and identify the things you disagree on.

It will also be time to talk about what you are willing and unwilling to give up. What concessions do you think are ok to share, and what points do you want to be firm on? In addition, you must learn to even out the concessions each of you makes. This way, you will both end up happy with your agreement.

Sharing is a part of life

Home dear home… or is it? If you just moved in with your partner, you will need to add shared costs to your budget sooner or later. Or better yet, you have to add the idea of ​​a shared life.

Living together is difficult. Not only because it can end up eroding the relationship with small, everyday blows, but also because if both parties do not put in the same amount of effort, any small task can end up as a confrontation. You can be as loving, sweet and caring as you want, but if you do not pull your own weight around the house… it is a problem!

Then comes the biggest problem when you have to talk to the other person about it. When you’ve had enough and it’s gone on your last nerve. The moment when you have to sit down and tell them “we need to talk” . How do you start this conversation? Well, authentic and natural.

You can start by making a list of all the weekly tasks that need to be done (if this is the problem). The ones that the partner mentions are the points they value most or consider most indispensable. So this exercise will also help you get to know your partner a little better.

Then you can continue to distribute them between you with shares that you are both comfortable with. It is good for both to be equally involved in the process and that the agreement you have reached is recognized by both parties.

There are no challenging conversations that can resist

As you can see, the key to all these difficult conversations couples should have is to understand the situation and come to a mutually satisfying solution. But it does not happen overnight. And you can not do that unless you really know the person you want to spend your life with.

A couple with a future is a couple who talk openly about their dreams and ideas, problems and worries. There are a couple who do not try to avoid or dodge them. A couple who approach the problems and know that it is territory where skills of expressing themselves and showing understanding will be central.

A healthy relationship is based on trust, respect and hope. Therefore, the best thing to do in these difficult conversations is not to forget these three elements. Remember this when it’s time to have such challenging conversations. This is the only way you will be able to reach a point where you as a couple, and both members individually, will be happy to live together.